The Anointed from the original Vlad The Inhaler Beginnings website
Select individuals who were followers or close to the band, or it’s individual members sometimes were granted “Vlad Names”. These names given by Vlad The Inhaler were almost always communicated through The Enforcer, and often The Beholder, or some collaboration of the two. True Vlad names came from the observation of characteristics the person to be named displayed.
Throughout Vlads existence, many have followed to the point of earning Vlad names. Some have jammed with the band, some just were spectators. But nonetheless these individuals were there to the point of earning a name to be given by Vlad.
The following poems explain their names and how they earned them.
These poems MAY OFFEND. So don’t read them if easily offended.
Vlad The Addict
Many years have passed since you last played the drums.
Now you go it again, with no Methanone, all thumbs.
You’re feet ache and ache, no drum set, no loot.
You say you won’t make it, should’ve stuck to skin flute.
With eight tons of pasta on the kitchen shelf,
Vlad names you The Addict, a name you could’ve thought of yourself.
Vlad The Cretan
You grew up with Tom, from The Neighborhood.
We see you now homeless. Vlad gives shelter and food.
Yo Tommy ya heard, lets watch The Doors,
Splicing up wires, knocked to the floor.
Don’t need any water, a cologne shower will do.
Wearing girdle, The Cretan exits, with all our shit too.
Vlad The Draggletail
The party’s on, and everyone’s here
She’ll look good after some beer.
Daisey Dukes, just barely there,
Swollen lips, ass cheeks, cunthair.
Legs open wide for all to see.
The Draggletail, Vlads name to thee.
Vlad The Incapable
You came to jam, it sounds really cool,
But as the riff spirals down, you look like a fool.
For this mission, Vlad brought you along,
But as we jam out you’re on a different song.
Though impressive at first, now you suck.
Forever in the Insanity Plane, Incapable stuck.
Vlad The Manipulator
You whine and you bitch and eternally complain.
Just mention the name Melissa my ass gets a pain
You drag Scott around on a tight little leash,
Be home by ten, wax my thighs, I can’t reach.
Though the rest of us see, you do have him fooled
Before The big assed Manipulator, Scott sits there and drools.
Vlad The Philosophical
You make no sense as you ramble on,
No-one else gets a word in. SHUT UP MORON!
You think conspiracy, knowing so many Maureens
Drop it, it ain’t true, its all in your dreams.
As you try to be deep, you sound more like a jerk.
Vlad anoints you The Philosophical, with a sarcastic smirk.
Vlad The Presumptuous
Messages through music she thinks we spew.
Whats up Russ, she’s pointing at you.
A Piece of Ass looks at Tom, and HE’S in the shitter.
Oh no a quick smile, I think she’s gonna hit her.
Yelling and screaming, no reason at all,
The Presumptuous you’ll now be called.
Vlad The Shagged
Ah, The Stupid Chick. She seeks out Ron.
Oh what the hell, lets strap one on.
Help her out now, he’ll get what he needs.
He’ll get his grove on as payment received.
“Give me your number baby, its OK.”
As he helps her out more, she’s Shagged every which way.